On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
