i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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