dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
