dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
