mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
