It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize