i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
