We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
It's like God shit irony all over that family
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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