I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
