I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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