I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
