she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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