I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
