This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
