ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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