Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
