What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
