it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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