My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
