I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
