"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
