porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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