I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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