people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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