so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Randomize
