Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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