I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
