Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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