Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
