Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
