butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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