How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
