I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
