I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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