I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
