theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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