Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
