I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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