Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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