For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
