he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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