It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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