remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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