She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
