I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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