Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I need mimosas to revive my soul
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
