Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
