I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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