She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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