I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize