u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
