is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
