Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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