I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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