I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
