All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
