Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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