remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
