I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
