Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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