im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
