the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
