You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
