I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
