Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
