The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
