I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
