umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize