Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize